Writing Journal

(Pay no attention to the Reading List on the side. I don't. It's so last year.)

For my next story project (I started one collecting stories about interesting ways people met, but they don't flesh out very well in text), I want to use my theory that married couples can be epitomized in the way they cut the cake at their wedding. The most recent couple and cake cutting/feeding can be described quite accurately as: Goofy, but Clean.

To do this, I'm going to go back through all my albums and journals from the past year or two and first tell the story of each cutting. The interesting ones, I'll look into getting the couple's "Where We Are" and "Where We've Been" stories. Some of them aren't that interesting, which is fine. For life. Just not for a compilation of stories.

Definitely want to include:
May 2010
July 2010 A
Aug 2010 B
May 2011

I'm sure there's a couple of other goodies in my wedding trunk; those are just the memorable ones!

Writing Journal

To You From Me, To Me From You
If I could believe
Anyone believed in me,
I'd believe it you.

Sometimes I'll get poem-thoughts and see that they're only three lines when they're written out. That's when I check for syllable counts, and this one only took a little fudging to get the counts compatible with the haiku format.

If you've read any previous posts about my writing, you're probably shocked that this one has a title!
I was thinking about a few of the challenging situations I'm facing, one of which being the discord with the best friend I've ever had. Before I saw said friend last night, I was reading Mary Kay Ash's biography. She mentions numerous times in the first few chapters how important the words "You can do it," are to hear. Her mother, especially, told her that often. It led me to ponder on when I may have heard those words, and...I couldn't recall any. Especially in taking on one of my challenges.

I know I've had people tell me they want me to succeed, but I don't know that I can honestly remember anyone saying they thought I can. No one. Not true; one person. But she had known me for less than an hour and encouragement from her hasn't continued beyond that. I'm really all that bitter or upset about not hearing it since I doubt I'd believe their sincerity, anyway. If they did say they thought I could do this, it would likely be out of a sense of obligation to provide me with confidence in myself when they have none in me themselves. If that makes sense to anyone else...

But the friend I saw last night...that friend I'd believe. But I took on this challenge around about the time we had our falling out. And there hasn't been much opportunity for that friend to express any confidence in me. The reason I'd believe that friend? It's happened before with other challenges I've taken on.
Friend: If anyone can do this, you can.
Me: What if anyone can't do it, though?
Friend: You can do this. I know you can.

So that's the story behind the "To Me From You" part of the title.

That same friend told me one thing they liked about me was the way I tap my fingers when I write poems. Really only/most often with haikus. I tapped my fingers while writing this one. That's the story behind the "To You From Me" part.

Writing Journal

Rain and Sunshine*
There's a storm cloud up above me
And it's darkening my halo.**
I have to wait for the rain to stop
Before I see my rainbow.

Many times I failed to hurt
Because I failed to see
The bad parts inside of you
And the good inside of me.

You didn't want to hurt me;
I never thought you would.
But now I see that I was wrong
To never think you could.

There's a storm cloud up above me
And it's darkening my halo.
I have to wait for the rain to stop
Before I see my rainbow.

I'm sitting here, not crying
Over how you treated me.
It now becomes my fervent hope
That someday you will see

The storm cloud up above me
That is darkening my halo.
I cannot wait for the rain to stop
So you can see my rainbow.

The next time that you see me,
I won't feel so alone.
Some other man may find me
And earn my pot of gold.

But even if he does not come,
The storm was not in vain.
Think of all the gardens grown
Every time it's rained.

Now there's no more clouds above me,
So it's clear to see my halo.
And now that the rain has stopped,
I finally found my rainbow.


*If you know me, you know I'm terrible with titles. And will always ask, if not beg, for suggestions and/or ideas.
**I promise this was not inspired by Porcupine Tree's "Halo." I had completely forgotten about any knowledge I may or may not have had about that song until Saturday, March 26, and I wrote the poem before that.
Although...hearing it over the weekend did cause me to come back to this, which led to my changing a line I didn't really like.




Now for the rest of the story... A blogger whose blog I stalk, er, read, gave me some advice on a situation. Advice it took me a while to follow. The premise of this poem was the premise of her messages to me. Writing it was very theraputic to me in terms of dealing with some of the choices I had made and actions that had been taken. I had hoped that it would answer one of the questions I still had for myself about the situation, but it didn't. Maybe the next one will.

Reading, Writing Journal

So, it's been a while....
I'm reading more than I used to. Although I did take a good break this winter, after I finished "Quirky, Yes. Hopeless, No," a book about dealing with kids who have Aspberger's and "Winter Blues," a book about understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder. Now, I'm almost finished with "Little Women," and "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me," a book about recovering from an eating disorder. Sometimes I read books about things I don't have and situations I'm not in, because I might come across someone who is there, and I'd like to have a glimpse of understanding.

I've been dabbling in writing. Mostly about dating. Like "The Economics of Dating" and "How to Get Over a Guy in 10 Days." But neither of those are in final enough stages to share with hoards of public, and I'm rather choosy about subjecting my prosaic ideas to scores of readers. My poetry, however...I'm better at exposing that. Mostly because I need help with titles. (If I were more serious of a writer, I'd look for workshops or something.)

Little Lamb
One little black sheep,
Lost in the dark,
Too scared to cry out for help.
Doesn't think anyone would
Hear him, anyway.

Searching for him with
Flood lights and heliocopters
Only creates more shadows and noise,
Driving him deeper into darkness.

Once the search party gives up,
One little child goes out,
Armed with a flashlight,
Some bread, and a blanket.

After much lonely searching,
The black sheep is brought home.
And the child sneaks away,
In search of another lost sheep.

Reading Blog

Finished O! Pioneers!
Had a fabulous discussion with a friend about it.

Also read Terry Hatchett's "A Hat Full of Sky," which was a pretty good book for youth. Really liked it and caught myself thinking with the accents of the Nac Mac Feegle's. Sent it to my 11 year-old sister and we'll see how she likes it.

Picked up "The Greek Mind" as my true. Not as dry as I'd expect. Haven't touched it in a week or so. I don't think I'll come out of it with much insight.

I intended to read Crime & Punishment but found myself at the public library with no recollection of exactly what's in my "Book of Great Books." I was confident "For Whom the Bell Tolls" was the Hemingway selected, so that's what I chose.
That night I rented "The Brothers Bloom" from redbox. If you like cinema, watch it. Trust me.

The next morning I discovered that at least the elder brother was inspired by a character in James Joyce's "Ulysses." Since it sounded so familiar, I thought I had it at home. I didn't. I then concluded it must have been in the BoGB. It wasn't. I traded Hemingway for Joyce, regardless. If a movie that good is associated with a book I've heard of, I'm reading it.

Not as quickly as I'd like.

I should steal the idea from a friend to read 25 books and 25 poems a year. (She does 50 books, but she reads faster and lighter.)